ollywood loves a biker gang - nothing gives small-town America a shiver dowo its spine like a bunch of Hells Angels tooling into town o$.ther big choppers promising mayhem and destruction.</p><p> It began with Marlon Brando in 1954's "The Wild One" - though we would later find out that the "dangerous" pretty boy Brando played could be placated with a plate of doughnuts.</p><p> Biker heroes found their ultimate expression in "Easy Ridei'(1969), Dennis Hoppefs revolutionary ode to the counterculture.</p><p> The new flick "Hell Ride," opening Friday, is a rnodern biker movie with Hopper in the cast for street cred.</p><p> But too often Hollywood thinks a noisy engine and a leather jacket are all you need to be tough.</p><p> Here are some examples that'ended up with flat tires.</p><p> INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OFTHE CRYSTAL SKULL(2OO8) The biker: Shia LaBeouf rides out of the steamy mist as Mutt Williams, to claim the mantle of adventurer from his mom's old boyfriend - some geezer named Indy.</p><p> Mutt isn't impressed.</p><p> Grazy or oddly: Cuddly.</p><p> Despite a costume stolen almost stud for stud frorn Brando's getup in "The Wild One." LaBeouf looks more like ai. little road trip - in other words, over- i. tne-nitl men heading over the hill. eazy or onldlf Crazy! "You could hurt yourself, grandpa," is the thought most moviegoers kept having.</p><p> Travolta could maybe pull it off, but not with that gang backing him up. ir STREETS OF F|RE (1984) The biler: MichaelFar6 is a bi-ooding, dangerous outlaw with a i'ast bike and a yen for the biker chick t1, end all biker chicks, Diane Lane. .</p><p> Crazy or qddly: Cuddly.</p><p> Turns out this is a rock'n' roll musical fantasy.</p><p> Any biker gang that has t0 break into a rousing chorus or dr r lgg 66 rain-drenched streets is incapable of striking fear into anyone.o997) rhe bilcn This credibility-crushing edition in the "Batman" franchise topped Robin and the Batnipples by having Valley Girl Alicia Silverstone ride in on a girlie motorcycle so ridiculous everi the Joker wasn't laughing. hzyoroddlS Crazy.</p><p> Watching Robin and Batgirl trade quips while spinning the wheels on their toy bikes ruined fot' years the possibility of taking "The Dark Knight" serioul!I," THE LORDS OF FLATBUSH (1974):rtiiii.r.iriiir,iifll.r\\,riiji riliiliii\ii'ilr\1\i\,.\li\Itijiiii.L)$!\iirirliillilitriiliiitr!:}},\,:nri$.tpj member of the Village People than a dangerous criminal.</p><p> DEVTTSANGELS Ct967) The biken Indie film legend John Cassavetes is the leader of a gang that makes a deal with the local sheriff for safe hiding - which works fine until Cassavetes falls for the guy's daughter. crazy or oddty Cuddly.</p><p> Cassavetes supposedly used his fee fnom this movie to finance "Faces" the following year, and itb hard to be scared cf a biker with auteurism on his mind. wrLD FtoGS QA07) n|e bil(er: John Travolta suits up with the likes of Tim Aiien and William H.</p><p> Macy for aThe biken Sylvester ; il Stallone and other memberslr:, of a Brooklyn gang in the '50s are joined by Henry Winkler as the wimpily named Butchey Weinstein.</p><p> Crazy or cuddly: Cuddly, unfortunately.</p><p> Not a bad movie, but this led directly to Winkler playing the Fonz on TV's "Happy Days." And after the Fonz, no one would be scared of a guy on a motorcycle ever again.</p><p> Michael GilE
