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MUSIC
Tflver
The gay bassist for one of the seminal rock groups of
the'70s and '80s once feared where his sexuality would take
him. Now, with his new autobiography, The Grand lllusion,
Chuck Panozzo is finally on solid ground By Michael Giltz
e's been playing in bands
for more than 45 years, but
it's only recently that Styx
bassist Chuck Panozzo has
learned to enjoy the basic
perks ofbeing a rock star.
For instance, when he sees girls in the
audience pleading for a guitar pick,
Panozzo will single out the one with the
cutest bol&iend, point to him, and bounce
a pick offthe guy's chest.
In imitation of bandmates who drape
the bras and panties thrown onto the
stage over their instruments, Panozzo re-
cently taped a frat boy's boxer shorts to
his bass. Guitarist Tommy Shaw respond-
ed to the usually resewed Panozzo,'\o,t
know, that's one of the most joyous mo-
ments I've ever experienced with you."
I1/s been a long time coming, according
to the trials and tribulations Panozzo lays
out in his new memoir, The Grand lllu-
sion: Loue, Lies, and My Life With Styx, in
which the rocker details his lifelong strug-
gle with being gay; the founding of Styx
with his twin brother, Johr; publicly com-
ing out in 2001; performing at the Gay
Games last year; and living with AIDS.
Along the way, he's put an end to one or
two rock and roll traditions."I've stopped autographing female
breasts," says Panozzo. "This one girl lift-
ed up her top and said, WiII you sign my
chest?' I said, 'If you give me a piece of
paper, I'd really prefer that. But if your
bo1'friend has a really cute ass, I'll auto-
graph his butt."'
Actually, Panozzo didn't say that last
Iine. He's far too well-mannered for that.
Besides, his life story is more about
missed opportunities than rock and roll
debauchery. Point out all the lascivious-
ness a gay rock star could have indulged
in during the '70s, and Panozzo responds,
'You want to hear me cry?"
Styx was one of the biggest acts of the
'70s and early'80s, delivering a string of
hit songs like "Lady," "Babe," and "Come
Sail Away" as well as four consecutive
multiplatinum albums. The band, whose
progenitor was formed by Chuck and
John at age 12, g::aduated from playing
weddings and the occasional after-school
gig to sold-out stadium concerts. Its iconic
pop culture status continues to be rein-
forced with references to the band on
shows as hip and influential as The Simp-
sons and Arrested Deuelopment. Adam
Sandler is said to be a huge fan, and
"Come Sail Away" anchored the pilot ofFrecths and Geehs, one of the most ac-
claimed television shows ofrecent years.
Speaking from his home in south Flori-
da, where he lives with his partner, Tim,
Panozzo fondly recalls the first time he re-
alized he liked boys. He was 9 years old,
Iiving in his hometown of Chicago, and
hadjust returned to Catholic school after
breaking his leg.
"I'm sitting in school, and there's a nun
who-not to disparage the sisters-says
in her very deepest voice, 'Charles! We're
having a fire drill today. There's going to
be an eighth-grade boy who's going to
carry you out,"'remembers Panozzo.
"All of a sudden I could see this guy
walking up, and I thought, Gee, that uni-
form loohs hind of nice on him. He was
very cute. IfI could have picked the guy to
carry me out, it would have been him. He
said, 'I'm going to pick you up, and I want
you to grab me by the neck so I don't drop
you.' I said, 'OK.' So after the drill was
over, he dropped me back into my chair
and the nun said,'Charles, how did that
go?' I said, 'Sister, are we going to have
another fire drill tomorrow?"'
That was about as bold as Partozzo got.
Styx was always an unusually straitlaced
bald; even its manager and executives )>
52 | May 22, 2OO7 a0vocale c0m THE ADVOCATE
MUSIC
at a couple ofits record labels thought its
members were pretty uncool. By the time
the band hit it big, many of the members
were married or in serious relationships
And with Panozzo not even remotely in-
terested in the groupies, he jokes, Styx
had the luckiest roadies in the business.
When it came to being gay, Panozzo
was equally reserved. His father died
when he was 24, and,Panozzo and his
mother never really discussed the subject
He began attending a seminary high
school, designed to give boys early prepa-
ration for the priesthood, when he was a
sophomore. One fondly remembered mo-
ment of erotic sublimation involved
Panozzo and the other boys dancing with
each other to a rock and roll song playing
on a smuggled-in radio.
He left the seminary a year later and
rejoined the band, which was enjoying
some local success. When he was 20 years
old Panozzo got up the nerve to go to a
gay porn theater for the first time.
"One time the police came running in,"
he says. "There were 12 of them-almost
as many of them as there were of us. I
didn't do the Pee-wee Herman thing or
the George Michael thing. But in those
days they would take your name and put
it in the paper; all they had to do was find
just one Buy [unclothed]. And as they left,
they just mocked us. lMhat the fuck are
you guys watching here?'They neverasked for IDs. They just turned up the
lights, they yelled, and then they left."
Despite his fears, Panozzo was deter-
mined not to be cowed. He came out to his
brother and sister before he had so much as
kissed a man, while his sexuality was more
or less an open secret with his mother. In
his early 20s he finally went on a few tenta-
tive dates, secure in the beliefthat most gay
men didn't pay any attention to rock and
roll and wouldn't know who he was.
As the band's success grew, Panozzo
would discreetly go out to gay bars while
on tour and was almost never recognized.
His frrst serious relationship ended be-
cause, Panozzo says, he simply wasn't
ready to be open and supportive. He even
went so far as to introduce his boyfriend
as a "friend" at a function he was hosting
for then-Chicago mayor Jane B5rrne.
On the radio, Styx had a number t hit
with "Babe," and the group transformed
from opening act to headliner. Meanwhile,
Panozzo used his Catholic school training
to avoid lascivious thoughts.
"There's a phrase in the Catholic
Church they use for the nuns: custody of
the eyes," says Panozzo, referring to the
idea that nuns are to avoid looking at their
naked bodies to help avoid impure
thoughts. "For a long time eye contact was
an issue for me How can I entertain these
peopl.e uthen I'm afraid to knh at them?"
He also avoided eye contact with hisbandmates in a way. Panozzo ignored his
own issues by focusing on his brother
John-who fought addiction for much of
his life and died in 1996-and the needs
of his aging mother.
When guitarist James Young (a.k.a.
JY) asked him in the '70s if he was gay,
Panozzo angrily denied it. But life caught
up with him in 1991, when he was diag-
nosed as HIV-positive. He developed
AIDS in late '98, frghting illness as the
band recorded 1999's Braue New World.
Eventually, Tommy Shaw asked Panoz-
zo in an e-mail if he was sick, andPanozzo
finally told the group everything. Everyone
was supportive about his being gay----even
keyboardist Dennis DeYoung, whose bat-
tles with bandmates fueled enough tales to
fill a dozen episodes of VH1's Behind the
Music. But when Panozzo was too weak to
record his bass parts for the album (for
which he'd participated in all of the re-
hearsals), DeYoung wanted Panozzo's
name removed from the credits.
"It was like a punch in the face," admits
Panozzo, who managed to contribute to
several tracks in the end. "In aII reality,
[DeYoung] might have been right. But
[we're talking] about someone who, when
you're 12 years old, cornes down and says,
'Can I play with you?' with an accordion
under his arm. We weren't always the rock
gods we were. He knew I'd lost a brother.
He knew my mother had passed away. He
knew I was on very shaky ground here.
"Where's the man who could write all
these beautiful songs about'Lady' and
'Babe'? Where is his heart at? Arld I really
began to question what our friendship
and relationship was based on."
Today, DeYoung no longer performs
with the band. Panozzo, thriving on his
current anti-HIV medication regimen,
joins Styx often on the road and is looser
and happier onstage than he's ever been.
He speaks to gay groups whenever possi-
ble and is politically active. But his bud-
dies still have some learning to do. Panoz-
zo says the band's longtime manager gets
antsy sometimes when he has gay visitors
backstage. And his bandmates have yet to
act on their promise to do a benefit show
for AIDS research.
Once too shy even to kiss another guy,
Panozzo now confidently says, "I'll make
it happen." I
Giltz is a regular contributor to seueral
periodicals, including the New Yorh
Dailv News.
54 | May 22, 2OO7 advocate com TH E ADVOCATE
Tflver
The gay bassist for one of the seminal rock groups of
the'70s and '80s once feared where his sexuality would take
him. Now, with his new autobiography, The Grand lllusion,
Chuck Panozzo is finally on solid ground By Michael Giltz
e's been playing in bands
for more than 45 years, but
it's only recently that Styx
bassist Chuck Panozzo has
learned to enjoy the basic
perks ofbeing a rock star.
For instance, when he sees girls in the
audience pleading for a guitar pick,
Panozzo will single out the one with the
cutest bol&iend, point to him, and bounce
a pick offthe guy's chest.
In imitation of bandmates who drape
the bras and panties thrown onto the
stage over their instruments, Panozzo re-
cently taped a frat boy's boxer shorts to
his bass. Guitarist Tommy Shaw respond-
ed to the usually resewed Panozzo,'\o,t
know, that's one of the most joyous mo-
ments I've ever experienced with you."
I1/s been a long time coming, according
to the trials and tribulations Panozzo lays
out in his new memoir, The Grand lllu-
sion: Loue, Lies, and My Life With Styx, in
which the rocker details his lifelong strug-
gle with being gay; the founding of Styx
with his twin brother, Johr; publicly com-
ing out in 2001; performing at the Gay
Games last year; and living with AIDS.
Along the way, he's put an end to one or
two rock and roll traditions."I've stopped autographing female
breasts," says Panozzo. "This one girl lift-
ed up her top and said, WiII you sign my
chest?' I said, 'If you give me a piece of
paper, I'd really prefer that. But if your
bo1'friend has a really cute ass, I'll auto-
graph his butt."'
Actually, Panozzo didn't say that last
Iine. He's far too well-mannered for that.
Besides, his life story is more about
missed opportunities than rock and roll
debauchery. Point out all the lascivious-
ness a gay rock star could have indulged
in during the '70s, and Panozzo responds,
'You want to hear me cry?"
Styx was one of the biggest acts of the
'70s and early'80s, delivering a string of
hit songs like "Lady," "Babe," and "Come
Sail Away" as well as four consecutive
multiplatinum albums. The band, whose
progenitor was formed by Chuck and
John at age 12, g::aduated from playing
weddings and the occasional after-school
gig to sold-out stadium concerts. Its iconic
pop culture status continues to be rein-
forced with references to the band on
shows as hip and influential as The Simp-
sons and Arrested Deuelopment. Adam
Sandler is said to be a huge fan, and
"Come Sail Away" anchored the pilot ofFrecths and Geehs, one of the most ac-
claimed television shows ofrecent years.
Speaking from his home in south Flori-
da, where he lives with his partner, Tim,
Panozzo fondly recalls the first time he re-
alized he liked boys. He was 9 years old,
Iiving in his hometown of Chicago, and
hadjust returned to Catholic school after
breaking his leg.
"I'm sitting in school, and there's a nun
who-not to disparage the sisters-says
in her very deepest voice, 'Charles! We're
having a fire drill today. There's going to
be an eighth-grade boy who's going to
carry you out,"'remembers Panozzo.
"All of a sudden I could see this guy
walking up, and I thought, Gee, that uni-
form loohs hind of nice on him. He was
very cute. IfI could have picked the guy to
carry me out, it would have been him. He
said, 'I'm going to pick you up, and I want
you to grab me by the neck so I don't drop
you.' I said, 'OK.' So after the drill was
over, he dropped me back into my chair
and the nun said,'Charles, how did that
go?' I said, 'Sister, are we going to have
another fire drill tomorrow?"'
That was about as bold as Partozzo got.
Styx was always an unusually straitlaced
bald; even its manager and executives )>
52 | May 22, 2OO7 a0vocale c0m THE ADVOCATE
MUSIC
at a couple ofits record labels thought its
members were pretty uncool. By the time
the band hit it big, many of the members
were married or in serious relationships
And with Panozzo not even remotely in-
terested in the groupies, he jokes, Styx
had the luckiest roadies in the business.
When it came to being gay, Panozzo
was equally reserved. His father died
when he was 24, and,Panozzo and his
mother never really discussed the subject
He began attending a seminary high
school, designed to give boys early prepa-
ration for the priesthood, when he was a
sophomore. One fondly remembered mo-
ment of erotic sublimation involved
Panozzo and the other boys dancing with
each other to a rock and roll song playing
on a smuggled-in radio.
He left the seminary a year later and
rejoined the band, which was enjoying
some local success. When he was 20 years
old Panozzo got up the nerve to go to a
gay porn theater for the first time.
"One time the police came running in,"
he says. "There were 12 of them-almost
as many of them as there were of us. I
didn't do the Pee-wee Herman thing or
the George Michael thing. But in those
days they would take your name and put
it in the paper; all they had to do was find
just one Buy [unclothed]. And as they left,
they just mocked us. lMhat the fuck are
you guys watching here?'They neverasked for IDs. They just turned up the
lights, they yelled, and then they left."
Despite his fears, Panozzo was deter-
mined not to be cowed. He came out to his
brother and sister before he had so much as
kissed a man, while his sexuality was more
or less an open secret with his mother. In
his early 20s he finally went on a few tenta-
tive dates, secure in the beliefthat most gay
men didn't pay any attention to rock and
roll and wouldn't know who he was.
As the band's success grew, Panozzo
would discreetly go out to gay bars while
on tour and was almost never recognized.
His frrst serious relationship ended be-
cause, Panozzo says, he simply wasn't
ready to be open and supportive. He even
went so far as to introduce his boyfriend
as a "friend" at a function he was hosting
for then-Chicago mayor Jane B5rrne.
On the radio, Styx had a number t hit
with "Babe," and the group transformed
from opening act to headliner. Meanwhile,
Panozzo used his Catholic school training
to avoid lascivious thoughts.
"There's a phrase in the Catholic
Church they use for the nuns: custody of
the eyes," says Panozzo, referring to the
idea that nuns are to avoid looking at their
naked bodies to help avoid impure
thoughts. "For a long time eye contact was
an issue for me How can I entertain these
peopl.e uthen I'm afraid to knh at them?"
He also avoided eye contact with hisbandmates in a way. Panozzo ignored his
own issues by focusing on his brother
John-who fought addiction for much of
his life and died in 1996-and the needs
of his aging mother.
When guitarist James Young (a.k.a.
JY) asked him in the '70s if he was gay,
Panozzo angrily denied it. But life caught
up with him in 1991, when he was diag-
nosed as HIV-positive. He developed
AIDS in late '98, frghting illness as the
band recorded 1999's Braue New World.
Eventually, Tommy Shaw asked Panoz-
zo in an e-mail if he was sick, andPanozzo
finally told the group everything. Everyone
was supportive about his being gay----even
keyboardist Dennis DeYoung, whose bat-
tles with bandmates fueled enough tales to
fill a dozen episodes of VH1's Behind the
Music. But when Panozzo was too weak to
record his bass parts for the album (for
which he'd participated in all of the re-
hearsals), DeYoung wanted Panozzo's
name removed from the credits.
"It was like a punch in the face," admits
Panozzo, who managed to contribute to
several tracks in the end. "In aII reality,
[DeYoung] might have been right. But
[we're talking] about someone who, when
you're 12 years old, cornes down and says,
'Can I play with you?' with an accordion
under his arm. We weren't always the rock
gods we were. He knew I'd lost a brother.
He knew my mother had passed away. He
knew I was on very shaky ground here.
"Where's the man who could write all
these beautiful songs about'Lady' and
'Babe'? Where is his heart at? Arld I really
began to question what our friendship
and relationship was based on."
Today, DeYoung no longer performs
with the band. Panozzo, thriving on his
current anti-HIV medication regimen,
joins Styx often on the road and is looser
and happier onstage than he's ever been.
He speaks to gay groups whenever possi-
ble and is politically active. But his bud-
dies still have some learning to do. Panoz-
zo says the band's longtime manager gets
antsy sometimes when he has gay visitors
backstage. And his bandmates have yet to
act on their promise to do a benefit show
for AIDS research.
Once too shy even to kiss another guy,
Panozzo now confidently says, "I'll make
it happen." I
Giltz is a regular contributor to seueral
periodicals, including the New Yorh
Dailv News.
54 | May 22, 2OO7 advocate com TH E ADVOCATE